Have you ever been going about your day minding your own business or driving home after work when all of a sudden a random horrible thought pops into your head? Thoughts like “I could drive my car into that light post right now” or “Gosh, Bob makes me so mad I just want to strangle him” or even “What would happen if I put my hand in the garbage disposal right now.” These random, awful feeling thoughts are called intrusive thoughts and they are very, VERY normal and common.
Every single person in the entire world has experienced an intrusive thought at least once in their lives. For some people, these thoughts are easily pushed aside with “Wow, that was weird” and they can move on from it. For others, particularly those who struggle with severe anxiety or OCD, these thoughts are not as easy to move on from. For some people, it is very easy to apply these thoughts to their identity and self-worth. “Is there something wrong with me? Am I a bad person? Do I actually want to hurt myself or someone else?” The answer is no. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not a bad person! Intrusive thoughts can just happen and the more attention you give the thoughts, the more they come around.
Your worth and morality are not tied to your thoughts. Thoughts just happen. They can be random and weird and in no way reflect who you are as a person. The brain is constantly taking in information and bringing up thoughts to test out the waters and see what piques your interest. You decide what reflects who you are and what thoughts are worth your time and energy. Think of your brain as an antagonistic toddler who wants your attention. The more you react to the blocks they throw at you, the more blocks they throw. The more you ignore the blocks the more likely the toddler will grow bored and go do something else. The brain is very similar in this way.
One of the best ways to stop or block intrusive thoughts is to have some standard coping thoughts available to intercept and replace the intrusive thoughts. Coping thoughts can be any thought that can be positive and bring you comfort and work best when repeated in your mind until you have moved on to something else. Examples of coping thoughts could be “I am a good person. My thoughts do not define me. I am not my thoughts. I am enough. I am worthwhile. It will all be okay.” I also find visualization can be helpful, like imagining a large broom sweeping away the thoughts or the thoughts being painted over by your favorite color. Distraction can be useful as well, like watching a movie reading a book, or having a conversation with someone.
Now this is very different from active suicidal or homicidal thoughts. If it gets to the point where you are constantly thinking of hurting yourself or someone else, that is the time to tell someone whether it is a trusted family member, friend, colleague, mentor, teacher, therapist, or a hotline.
It is so important to reach out for help at that point because you matter and your life matters. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and it is always okay to ask for help. You are not alone. You are not defined by your thoughts, intrusive or otherwise. You matter.